Caring for Someone with Cancer

What caregiving meansExplain▾

There are different types of caregivers for people with cancer. Some are family members, others are friends. People of different races and cultures give care in their own way, and every situation is different—there isn't one way that works best.

Caregiving may include:

• helping with day-to-day activities such as doctor visits or preparing food
• giving medicines or helping with physical therapy or other clinical tasks
• helping with tasks of daily living such as using the bathroom or bathing
• coordinating care and services from a distance by phone or email
• giving emotional and spiritual support

Coping with the caregiver roleExplain▾

Giving care and support can be a challenge. Many caregivers put their own needs and feelings aside to focus on the person with cancer. This is hard to keep up over time, and it's not good for your health—the stress can have both physical and psychological effects. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of others.

Whether you're younger or older, you may find yourself in a new caregiving role that feels more intense than before. Common situations include a loved one only feeling comfortable with a spouse or partner caring for them, caregivers balancing children and jobs, or parents having a hard time accepting help from adult children. It's very common to feel confused and stressed. If you can, share your feelings with others, join a support group, or seek help from a counselor.

Asking for helpExplain▾

Many caregivers say that, looking back, they took too much on themselves, or wish they'd asked for help sooner. Take an honest look at what you can and can't do. Which things do you want to do yourself, and which can you turn over or share?

Examples of tasks others can help with:

• chores like cooking, cleaning, shopping, or yard work
• taking care of the kids or picking them up
• driving your loved one to appointments or picking up medicines
• being the contact person to keep others updated

Getting help for yourself can also help your loved one—you may stay healthier, and they may feel less guilty about all you're doing. Websites like SignUpGenius or Lotsa Helping Hands can help organize requests and tasks.

When some people don't helpExplain▾

When someone has cancer, many friends and family reach out—but some people may not be able to help. There are common reasons: they may be coping with their own problems, lack time, be afraid of cancer or have had a bad experience with it, believe in keeping their distance, not realize how hard things are, or feel awkward because they don't know what to say.

If someone isn't giving the help you need, you can talk to them and explain your needs, or you can let it go. If the relationship is important, telling them how you feel can help prevent resentment from building up.

Understanding the cancerExplain▾

Sometimes understanding your loved one's medical situation can make you feel more confident and in control. You may want to know more about their type and stage of cancer, and what to expect during treatment—the tests and procedures that will be done, and the side effects that may result.

Long-distance caregivingExplain▾

It can be hard to be away from a loved one who has cancer. Even so, you can give support and be a problem-solver and care coordinator from a distance.

• Develop a relationship with one or two key members of the health care team, such as a nurse, social worker, or patient educator.
• Create a list of people who live near your loved one whom you could call day or night.
• Share home, work, and cell numbers and emails with the care team and local helpers.
• Look into volunteer visitors, adult day care, or meal delivery in the area.
• Gather and organize important paperwork, and keep vital information in one place.
• Use phone, email, and video tools like Zoom or FaceTime, or websites like Caring Bridge and Lotsa Helping Hands, to stay connected.

If you travel to visit, allow yourself time to rest afterward—many long-distance caregivers say they don't build in enough recovery time.